I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
