you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
