It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
