After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
