woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize