I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
