Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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