Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
