It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
