i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
