I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize