I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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