my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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