Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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