Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
