just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
