accomplished twins. life is a go
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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