Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
