Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
