miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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