no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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