My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
