found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
