the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
