if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
