1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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