a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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