Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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