FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
