Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
