who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
