wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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