Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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