At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
