I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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