that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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