I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
