Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
