East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
