Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
