I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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