quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
