you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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