Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
