I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
