She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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