She is in my trunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
