Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
