hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
