You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
