i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
