Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
