He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
