The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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