I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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