dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
