Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
