My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
