But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
