they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
