I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
