I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
