Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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