i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
